Oops! I did it again! There are some things that people do in life so repetitiously that it just becomes second nature, a habit, a routine. There are meals I make for my children that I’ve made so many times I no longer need the recipe. I take the same route to work every day without fail. It has become so routine that I could not begin to tell you which exits or landmarks I pass; I no longer notice them. I’m not complaining – there’s something about my personality that rather enjoys routine – but there are some times, some places, and in some relationships where I have come to appreciate the unexpected . . . and I expect the unexpected . . . as long as it doesn’t upset my schedule.
In my zeal for God, and my desire for an ever deepening intimacy with Him, I seem to have developed a routine. I have a set time for devotionals, studying His Word, and praying. Last week however, I began to wonder if it seemed to Him as if I was just going through the motions – so, I shook things up a bit. OY! What point is there in trying to change something that needs no change?
As I re-arrange my schedule to it’s former way, I can say with confidence that if a person’s “routine” involves heart rather than going through the motions God says, “It’s all good”. I am the way I am which is not to say that the unexpected cannot, or will not, occur during, or outside my schedule. My heart is always open and my spirit always ready to receive. He knows me and that is what’s important.
And while I do enjoy routine in various aspects of my life, my relationship with God – whether in His Temple, within the community, or in my home – is the most important part of my life. In every place, in every situation or circumstance the unexpected is not limited to my schedule; He is so much bigger than that. How things look to me, or others, is not part of the equation.
“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Sam. 16:7.
When things get difficult – like learning a new job, or language, I can make myself physically ill. Then, the mental battle begins … give up … no, don’t give up. I question my motives for having begun whatever I’ve undertaken. I get easily frustrated.
I’ve been taking Hebrew lessons since March. I don’t know why … it’s just something I really want to do. I don’t think I breathe much during my lessons, which explains the headache after the classes. During a lesson – as long as I’m not called upon – I’m getting it. It’s being rooted. It’s all good. But … by the next day whatever I’ve learned has leaked out of my head … as if it was never there. I could give up. It would certainly free up much of my time. It’s surely the easiest road to choose, but then I won’t be able to speak, read, or write Hebrew. My longing will remain unfulfilled.
If I give up on learning Hebrew what will be next? How would giving up – losing hope – help me in the pursuit of my dreams and desires? Giving up – it’s not an option - no matter how many times I mull it over.
Abraham followed blindly and became a father of many nations. Moses wandered willingly and saw the Promised Land. Ruth remained committed and was abundantly blessed with a new faith, a husband, and a child; and David waited patiently to be crowned. When you put things into perspective hope lives on. Giving up – it’s not an option.
“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” Psalm 39:7.
I don’t like purses much. Mine is pretty small and as neat and tidy as I keep it, I can never find anything. I can’t carry a bigger purse for two reasons: 1) I’m only 5' 2” tall, so a big handbag will only make me look shorter; 2) if I have more space, I’ll probably cram more stuff in there and it will just force me to look twice as long and hard for whatever I need. And now for my super smooth segue … don’t ask me how my mind works … I can’t even find my wallet half the time!
I’m a thinker. I’m glad people can’t see inside my brain because it would probably look like one of those heavy, oversized handbags that put dents in women’s shoulders. There are times when there is so much clutter in my head I can’t think straight. Some people think I’m a “black or white” kind of girl, but there’s black, white, and about 40 shades of gray inside my matter.
I’m not a person who can simply shut things off by shear desire. The harder I work at ridding myself of those useless and fruitless thoughts the worse things get. It’s as if my brain is a condominium and I rent out space in my head. To be honest … it often seems that I’m not always very discreet about to whom I rent said space … he’s the joy killer and the peace stealer - public enemy number one.
There is only one sure fire solution; it works every time (so you’d think I’d just do it all the time). I’m sure if I spent more time with my nose in God’s Word there would be no space to rent. My thoughts would be where they should be. I would be focussed. I would be peaceful – always – and in all circumstances. God is a god of order not disorder.
Mark my words, the enemy knows where I am most vulnerable. He simply starts with a thought. He’s that guy. He’s the tenant from hell. But I am the one who consistently fails to really do what I need to do. I have to stop opening the door, and on those occasions when it’s too late – I need to turn to God, the One who is waiting, with His outstretched mighty hand, for me to give Him step aside and let Him serve an eviction notice.
“fear not, for I am with you;be not dismayed, for I am your God;I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 ESV.
Halt is an acronym I learned in rehab. It stands for “hungry, angry, lonely, tired.” People in recovery are often taught that these four roots are the major causes of relapse. It’s been my experience that these roots are not limited to causing problems for people in recovery.
My biggest cause for concern was always anger. Growing up we were permitted to display only one emotion: happiness. Our happiness was to be demonstrated and not heard. As a result of formidable instruction in this area, the recognition and identification of other emotions became quite difficult.
If I saw someone smile at me, I could relax. A loud voice, I’m not talking about yelling, could induce visceral feelings of fear in me – that’s about as far as I could discern. The fear was: what’s coming next?
My mission in life became pleasing people, “making” them happy – because happy was something I could identify and feel safe with. Not long after rehab, with no more chemicals to numb and subdue my emotions, I began to have these strange and perplexing emotions. One in particular can be described this way: increased respiratory function; increase in blood pressure, tightness across chest, nausea accompanied with bodily tremors – particularly in the gastro-intestinal area. My doctor diagnosed this as ‘anger’. Wow! That’s pretty powerful. How do you get rid of it? “Report, respond, release, reconcile where possible.” Hmm. Sounds complicated and difficult.
After rehab, it didn’t take me long to realize that there was a lot of ‘stuff’ that gave birth to anger inside me. I did not like the physical or emotional symptoms. Quite frankly, it took me almost ten years of sobriety before I got a handle on this beast – and honestly – it had nothing to do with sobriety. I was able to let go of anger, as it came up, when I surrendered my life to Jesus.
Ephesians 4: 26-27 says this: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” That really struck me as odd that Paul would write, “be angry.” What he was conveying was God’s message: go ahead and feel, but feel without sinning. Deal with it immediately. Don’t go to bed stewing. Don’t lose sleep because of it. Don’t wake up with it. The enemy is waiting and watching to see whether if you’re going to walk in love, or if he can induce you to sin.
If anyone ever had a reason to be angry it was Jesus. From the cross He gazed upon all those whose ignorance put Him there. Yes, it was His choice to accept it but He did it out of love. Jesus asked His Father to forgive them.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32.
How do we become impatient? Is it something we learn, or does it come naturally? Why are some people so easy going and others not? Can we change?
When I was a young newlywed, before ATM’s were invented, people received paycheques made of paper. They had to stand in line at the bank to take care of business. Living in a city of primarily government workers meant that every second Friday those line-ups were … well … imagine a day of free coffee at St. Arbucks … yup … those were the good ole days.
On one of these fine Friday evenings my husband was waiting in the comfort of the car listening to the radio while I stood in a line that serpentined from the foyer to the counter. About 20 minutes into my wait the sound of a blaring horn caught the attention of all the customers. The driver kept honking and honking until, his impatience got to the better of him, and he simply left his hand on the horn. I was married to that driver. He was yelling and gesturing at me from inside the car. What could I do but turn red and hope no one would see me get in the car with him some 45 minutes later.
Some friends and I were talking about waiting on God – waiting to hear from Him concerning various issues. None of us doubted, for a moment, that He would answer, the question was: when? That Friday evening of decades gone by popped into my head and I started to laugh.
I wonder if, in all my impatience, I ever look like that driver to God. I wonder if He ever questions why I can wait in line at Starbucks for a latte I can never finish, and don’t really need, but I can’t seem to wait on Him. I can be like a screaming child who’s missed a feeding – answer me, answer me now! All the while – I know – I KNOW – that He answers. He answers and provides in His perfect timing and sometimes that means I need to wait. That should be enough, shouldn’t it? Honk, honk.
“Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.” A Psalm of David 25:4-5 ESV.
Our city is exploding! Land that only ten years ago were fields and forests is now a booming housing industry. Beautiful homes have been built – always bigger and better with windows on every side and level. There’s no need to wait for the trees to grow and and the wonders of nature to be enjoyed - much of the natural wooded areas have been preserved. I can’t help but drive by and notice and yes …. of course … from time to time I picture myself living in one of them. Twenty-five years ago, the neighbourhood I live in today was no different from the new suburbs being constructed today. Many people love the convenience of living in the city, but who doesn’t love that country feel in your own backyard? The real estate business says it well when they say the number one selling feature of any home is: location, location, location.
I’m quite content where I am in the natural and I’m content where I am spiritually, but there are times where I can picture in my minds eye spiritually living in a new location – at a new level. My relationship with my Saviour is wonderful, but I’m always longing for more. I know that this is a want that He is only too pleased for me to desire. On the other hand however, I know that at every minute I am exactly where I should be spiritually; I also know that He loves me too much to leave me here. If you’re feeling like you too are ready for a move, wait, listen, and obey. He already has a new place in mind for you.
“If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us.” Numbers 14:8.